My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
