Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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