is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
