TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
