NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
