bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
