Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
