but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
