porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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