At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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