toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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