Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
