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• (310): View more from California

  i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.

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• (914): View more from New York

  I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun

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• (714): View more from California

  The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago

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• (941): View more from Florida

  She looks like a beluga.

  (954): View more from Florida

  I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I tired using vodka to remove my makeup

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life

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