I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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