i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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