i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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