i don't like sucking hair
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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