She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
