I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
