My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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