I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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