So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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