Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
