Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
