I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
