So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
