WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
