Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
