There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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