Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
