I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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