dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
