I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
