I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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