Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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