I hate all girls vehemently.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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