i permit you to call me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
