did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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