I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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