insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
