I'm sorry my penis didn't work
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
