I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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