The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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