she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
