Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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