you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
