We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
