it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
