just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
