i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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