im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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