I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
